A Big Ass Bowl Of Oatmeal

feast-worthy, Uncategorized


Shit happens, and suddenly one day it’s 46 degrees and sunny out until Mother Nature is all like naaa girl, you ain’t even know what’s coming. Then I wake up, it’s 18 degrees, and I can’t breathe because the heat in my building (which I cannot control) is on full blast and my mouth is so dry I feel like I ate an entire cotton field. Or a container of cinnamon, IDK.

(It gets even more complicated, because then I have to drink a lot of water, so then I have to pee a lot, and WTF is 8 hours of sleep and who needs that anyway?) I don’t spare any details in this life.

This brings me to this bowl of baked oatmeal from The Grey Dog. Yes, it’s all relevant. You need this bowl. It might be 5 servings, but I didn’t tell you to eat it every morning. It’s this sexy chunk of oats infused with brown sugar and raisins, and then it swarms in a bowl of milk (soy in this case) and it tastes like life. A good life filled with unicorns, margaritas, and spicy tuna crispy rice and shit.

I haven’t been able to look at my morning oats the same. Except for those days when I drown that shit in peanut butter, cocoa, honey, cinnamon, almond milk, and sliced bananas. That’s totally tolerable.

Sorry the picture is so ugly; I took 5 different ones, they were all below mediocre, and I was hungry, and in the midst of a feisty conversation with Lauren W., so I was like GET IN MY MOUTH.

The end. Happy feasting this weekend. (Oh, it’s only Tuesday? That’s shitty.) Eat this. Or eat egg whites and be miserable, I don’t care.


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