Is Real. (Warning: encyclopedia ahead.)
What a great, weird and wonderful time to be alive. I’ve done a lot of epic shit, zigzagged through countless ups and downs and had 48+ quarter life crises before actually hitting the quarter life mark. But even so—all things life endeavors aside, I know the experiences I’ve endured have shaped me in one way or another, and will continue to do so until the end of time.
Here’s to a few bits and pieces I’ve learned along my route to who knows where and felt the need to expel out of my brain and onto a sheet of digital paper
These are my bricks, pillars and lifelines. I would be nothing without a select hand few. Cherish them, be there for them, listen profoundly when they talk, notice the crack in their voice when they call and say “where are you?” and jump in a cab and have a glass of wine with them and just listen to them ramble and vent. The good ones are eternal. Don’t fuck shit up.
My mom and grandma are my number one life supporters and I need them every step of the way. I also call my mom 3-7 times a day depending on what lies ahead. Conversations may range from a fitting room picture in the dressing room at Zara that reads “yea or na?” to the same question with an accompanying picture of my hair that reads “do I need to wash or can I wait until tomorrow?” And so much more, obviously. Family > everything. Including dark chocolate covered pretzels.
On doing the things that make you happy.
Sometimes, a $5 iced almond milk latte is a necessity, and sometimes so is a $36 Barry’s Bootcamp class. Yes, these habits are not ideal when your salary isn’t either, and you can make your own coffee at home and take a run over the bridge but guess what? When you want it and need it and it’s going to make you feel better and happier at that very moment, you’re never going to look back in 5 years and say shit, I shouldn’t have taken all those bootcamp classes and drank all those lattes. Same goes for my $15 cocktails. Whatever. Sometimes, you just have to do your thing because…you deserve it.
On not taking shit personal.
Somehow, I’m just an overly sensitive creature and would take too much shit to heart. I could sob from an insult. (Is there a ratchet hormonal imbalance in one of my frontal lobes?) I just wanted to use the term frontal lobe. I’m still working on figuring out how to not dwell on the bullshit because life is full of it and quite frankly, ain’t nobody got time for that. There are evil specimens out there with their own sets of problems who take their lives out on everyone else. I try to just become a rock, stare as penetratingly as I can to make them feel like an alien with 52 eyes and a black soul, and tell myself there is a spicy margarita at the end of the tunnel.
On having wild weeknights out.
Sleep is truly overrated. (Sometimes.) But dark circles and hangovers are seriously real and detrimental to all things humanity, sanity and wellbeing. Anyways, if being a grandma and getting in bed at 9:30 PM is what brings you satisfaction after a long day at the office, than go you. But if you need a little ratchetness here and there, then do it. Find your wing creature and fly. (Hi, Lauren!) Just hit the road with no expectations or intentions. The best nights are completely spontaneous. (So this one time, Lauren and I wanted to have a quick and casual bite. We were both leaving work, somehow in matching denim situations and sneakers. Mine was a dress, hers was jeans a top. We settled for tacos and margaritas. Dinner turned into three cocktails, which turned into fuck it, let’s go to Employees Only, which turned into another few rounds of cocktails, which turned into me deciding to chat with the psychic in the front, which turned into me venmoing the freaking psychic. What kind of psychic takes Venmo?! She likely woke up that morning and decided to play psychic for the psycho, broken and vulnerable. How times are progressive. Which turned into us being half wasted and kind of taking a hit off a random person’s J on the sidewalk. I smoke once a century, not sure how this happened to be honest. It was fun though. To be fair, he did buy us some cocktails and was a super nice gent from Mexico who knew a lot about Mezcal, so we figured he knew a lot about life in general and…I think we had pizza after but I must fact check with my Chase account. And my jeans.
Did I ever mention I have an issue with abbreviating stories? Many of them don’t have a point, but I never told you that you had to read what I write. I’m doing it for me. You’re just along for the ride and/or entertainment.
On learning from others.
You don’t know everything and you should always be on the lookout to surround yourself with people that you can learn from and you can teach new things to. Seek what you want to learn, and find the person that knows it best. Ernie, my cousin who I just re-signed my third year of my lease with, is a freaking encyclopedia when it comes to anything and everything. Everything from Lex, this is how you make a savings spreadsheet on Excel (gasp! FML. What are savings?) to this is how you prepare for your 9 month review. He sometimes pre-approves my outfits for a dates. I never listen to what he says though. He doesn’t understand sheer Equipment tops. I would be 98% hopeless sans this creature, so I’m truly forever grateful for all things Ernesto.
On doing whatever the fuck you want.
This year, I didn’t feel like fasting on what jews consider the holiest day of the year. I just wan’t feeling it for the first time in my life so I didn’t do it. I also have this problem ish situation where I’m addicted to a certain muffin at Grey Dog and sometimes, this girl needs a fucking muffin. So I get it. And it won’t kill me. Sometimes I also make out with random boys at bars because…I feel like it, and it’s much easier than exchanging numbers in hopes that they hit you up and then they never do and then you’re like faaaak why didn’t I just make out with him right at the bar of Happiest Hour? I swear I met this Jewish Brazilian pescatarian (my dream trio combination for those who understand my dining habits and overall life preferences) and we were totally hitting it off and then boom. Perhaps he died (I always think that when people don’t follow up), or maybe he got his phone stolen or got eaten by a UFO (or maybe he just wasn’t interested), but regardless, if I would’ve just made out with him at the bar, I wouldn’t be having this conversation with myself. Do you follow?
I also think I want and need to go to Paris ASAP Rocky. So I may do that during Thanksgiving. It’s my way of saying thanks to myself for being a good creature. It’s also my way of satisfying important needs.
On learning to say no.
It took me a while to say no to things I had negative zero interest in doing. Whether it’s not seeing someone you have no interest in seeing, or just learning to fight the urge to agree to shit when you don’t want to. Ask yourself why. Is the world going to fall apart if you bail and do what you want? Probably not. It’s okay to hibernate in bed with a candle, silk robe and a shitload of lotion instead of joining in on some plans that involve putting on and taking off your makeup, putting an outfit together, potentially shaving your legs and having to make conversation. Life can be rough.
On not having expectations.
If you don’t anticipate a certain outcome, you wont end up as disappointed. Not to say that you shouldn’t have a goal in place for yourself. But don’t expect anything from others. Most people don’t deliver. (Many do though!)
I think that covers most thoughts I’ve endured this morning. I’ve also decided to become a unicorn. Don’t ask questions. Just pass me the glitter. Also, I felt the need to indulge in a fancy eye serum with SPF because apparently that’s what people do when they hit this quarter life awkwardness. Anyways, it was a La Roche Posay variety that I hoarded via Amazon Prime because…free shipping and good reviews apparently = no wrinkles or Botox for life.