Eating for the Apocalypse

feast-worthy, May never return, Uncategorized


Because Paris.

I’ve been wanting to take a solo trip for a long ass time. I finally decided 2/10 of my vacation days (help!) could be spent food and drink marathoning in Paris. Not sure where to start and I’ve never been one for order. (Of any sorts.) Meet my nightstand. Jk. Don’t.

Moving along. In four nights, I hit up like 15+ establishments and that ain’t a joke. Neither is the bursting button on my jeans, but that’s for another life.

But really. I’ll start with the last supper because it was raining truffles from the sky and that’s probably one of the best solo lunches I’ve had to date. I was on a life or death mission to go to Ober Mamma no matter what, and I was able to snatch a seat at their beautiful marble bar on my last day and this thing was the tits. And only 18 euros, if I may add since this picture looks like my monthly rent.


I’m going back to meal #1. Enter Ellsworth, another tiny place with a beautiful marble bar, good looking specimens, and a great lunch deal. You can get an app+main or main+dessert for 20 euros, or all three courses for 26 euros. I decided not to be a savage upon arrival (kidding), and got an appetizer consisting of baby carrots, pumpkin seeds, herb pesto and yogurt, along with this sexy dorade with crispy sunchokes, spinach, and a volcanic explosion of beurrrrre. I also devoured my own mini basket of freshly baked bread, which was the perfect ration of crunchy to chewy.

The place was small and casual, with a bar and some tables in the back. Many of the guests seemed to be regulars. Reservations can be a good idea because it gets packed during lunch and if there’s no seats at the bar you might have to starve. Imagine. Anyways, did I die and go to heaven over this meal? Probably not because it consisted of carrots and fish BUT I did definitely enjoy my meal there and would recommend coming in for a tasty bite.


And when I wasn’t overloading on carbs and the like, I did take the time to stop and take in the beautiful surroundings. That’s the Madeleine, ain’t she a beaut? She is.


Maybe I should just retire, travel the world, and become a professional postcard photographer. Good job Alexis.


ALSO. I’m addicted to shakshuka and this sexy behemoth from Cafe Oberkampf was definitely one of the culinary highlights of my marathon. The service was extremely friendly (often a rarity in France, though surprisingly much less than I expected on this round) and hello grilled bread, iced latte (WHOLE MILK! Send help.) and spicy goodness. It was epic. They have a green version of it with spinach, etc. but this was my calling.

There’s like 5 small tables inside and 4 seats at the bar, and you should absolutely get involved.

And then I found my Hoarder’s Paradise. It’s a never-ending store in the Marais called Fleux and you’re going to lose your shit.


Like you probably didn’t wake up this morning thinking you needed a fluorescent pineapple in your dining room but you know what? You definitely do. I have an empty place on my shelf where the pineapple that I didn’t buy should have gone, and it feels like an eternal void in my soul. This would all be true except for the fact that I have no empty space for shit in my apartment and my hoarding gift has truly taken over and now I have a pile of sweaters that permanently live in the corner of my room because they don’t fit anywhere. I bought a vanilla ice cream candle because I’m addicted to candles and I wanted to eat it and couldn’t because it was a candle, so I figured I would light it instead.

I also bought a flamingo notebook because I was a flamingo in my past life and I need 852 notebooks to sum up my thoughts at all times. I really just need one master notebook to summarize all my little notebooks. Stay tuned.


And another thing in the non-edible department is flowers. Love them. Happy colors and a great variety at the Marche des Enfants Rouges.

I think this does it for round one. I’ll be back with additional things inhaled. Stay tuned and Happy Friday.


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