The other day I forgot my headphones in some coat pocket and was left in mental solitary confinement for all 29 minutes of my commute. My mind started to roam to weird ass places. What does everyone think about when they’re left with just their thoughts? Here’s a glimpse.
Why is that person still wearing their sunglasses even though we’re in an enclosed space like 15 feet underground? Why didn’t that fucker ever hit me up again? Is he dead? Did he get hit by a bus? And I know he is alive and well because I know these things. Why and how are Crocs still in circulation? Why did he have to pick up his Chinese take out before getting home? Couldn’t he find a spot near his apartment so the stench didn’t roam and linger throughout? I want to give that person hair product advice because I know my Kiehl’s silk groom could fix that. I wonder what that girl’s husband looks like. I want to chop off her feet and throw out her Uggs. I wonder what kind of workout that girl with the probable six-pack and sneakers just took. Is it weird if I ask her what her diet is like? Is that piss on the floor? I severely judge anyone who sits on their bed with subway pants on. Ew. I’ve witnessed such behavior. What if I told that person he had a booger in his nose? I wish the person who’s never been in close proximity to deodorant would kindly put their arm down, as opposed to grazing my shoulder with his smelly armpit hair, that has a life beyond his navy J.Crew v-neck sweater.
And then I got off and was like HOLY TITS I AM JUDGMENTAL AF. Who gives a shit if that person is still wearing sunglasses on the subway and the other has puffy ass hair? Maybe she wore shades because eyes were swollen, maybe she got punched in the face, maybe she’s stoned AF, or maybe she just splurged on new shades and feels baller and doesn’t want to take them off? Why do I care? I don’t know. This isn’t really about enlightenment striking me like lightning and me telling you that I decided to not worry about others and focus on my own life. I was just sharing the shit that may or may not occur to me in the span of a few moments.
For a second I was like maybe I should try to not give a fuck about these judgements. Just look, acknowledge, and proceed. BUT THEN I GOT OFF THE B TRAIN ON GRAND STREET AND EVERYONE WAS DRAGGING THEIR FEET AS IF THEIR SOLE PURPOSE WAS TO GLIDE INSTEAD OF WALK, AND THEN I GOT IRRITATED AGAIN AND WONDERED IF THEIR MOTHERS DIDN’T TEACH THEM TO LIFT THEIR FEET WHEN THEY WALKED AND I ALMOST WANTED TO PHYSICALLY SCOOP THEM UP AND HANG THEM SO THEY WOULD STOP DRAGGING THEIR FEET. SIMULTANEOUSLY, THERE WERE SEVERAL CREATURES SPITTING LOOGIES THAT WERE COMING FROM DEEP BELOW THEIR SOUL, RESPIRATORY SYSTEM AND BEYOND AND THAT IS GROSS AND I SIMPLY CANNOT. EVEN.
I literally have no point or purpose in anything I just mentioned. I think I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening. Merci. And have a great week, and subway ride.