Eating for the Apocalypse

feast-worthy, May never return, Uncategorized


Because Paris.


Eggs and stuff


Image12pm: I am the first specimen to enter Robert et Luise, punctual with the opening hour. By 12:47, all tables were occupied. There are about four tables and a large communal wooden bench whose construction barely allowed me to cross my legs. As diners continued to flock inside, they were led down a stairway in the corner, clearly a bottom floor, if not a dungeon. Everyone but me ordered some kind of beef concoction, many the special of the day, a joue de boeuf a la Bourgogne, as 12 euros entitled you to an app and main, or a main and dessert. But I was boring and got a mushroom omelet (for the same price) because I was craving a handful of chicken abortions to hit the skillet and give me a protein boost. It’s hard to screw up an omelet but the shrooms were fab…not your typical tasteless baby bellas.

An open kitchen is always comforting, I like to stare and make the chef feel like he needs to be hygienic and sanitary in prepping my foods to exclude possibilities like hair or mucus from recking my appetite.
I recommend it to all carnivores, as the majority of dishes include options like veal kidneys, sausage, prawns, rib eye, beef filet, lamb chops and shanks…I think you get the point. You can dig into the cow with a partner; 42 euros for beef ribs for 2, or 63 euros for a chunk to feed 3.
Appetizers: 5,60-16 euros. Mains: 12-18 (except the monster sharing obv). Desserts at 6 euros.

Robert et Louise, 64 rue vielle du temple, 75003

My one and only





The fact that I’m not kidding is potentially disturbing. So, for some reason, everyone who comes abroad to Paris has Les Philosophes on the must-visit list. I followed directions. I got a goat cheese salad, obviously. The photo does no justice in showing how mammoth the cheese rounds were. I wouldn’t lie.

Anyways, there is a reason the basket of bread was photographed. It’s because there were like eight slices in it, which is a rarity when serving for one in Paris. But all tables, regardless of the amount of people occupying it, were given the same serving of bread. It just so happened that I was on a school lunch break and got to devour them all on my lonesome. It was also top-notch quality baguette.

This was no Miami Juice, but my salad was good (not exceptional), the service was incredible (never thought I would say that)- but my dish arrived as I was munching on my second piece of baguette slice, and the servers were very friendly. Nice ambiance, crowded lunch spot. Great street.

Les Philosophes, 28 rue Vieille du Temple, 75004